®Let’s do it together
A five-minute break
Silence your phone and sit somewhere comfortable. There is no rush; stay with each step for as long as you like.
Dur: stop and name it
Pause for a moment. Which of these is most present in you right now? There is no right or wrong answer; pick the one that feels closest.
Omuzlarını bırak: drop your shoulders
Let your shoulders drop away from your ears and unclench your jaw. Place one hand over your heart and the other on your belly, and feel the warmth of your hands. Tap Start, then simply stay like this for 20 seconds.
Start when you’re ready
Seslen: speak to yourself
If your closest friend were in your place today, what would you say to them? Now speak to yourself in that same voice. Add your name if you like, then choose the sentence that does you the most good.
Teşekkür et: say thank you
For the last step, turn to your body. Look not at how it appears but at what it did for you today, and thank it in one sentence.
Your note is ready
You wrote this to yourself. Read it slowly, in your own head.
What you write stays on this device, only while this page is open; it is not sent or saved anywhere.
You don’t have to do the four steps in order. Even the 20-second touch is a break in its own right.
Why these four steps?
Each step rests on a small practice that has been studied on its own. We have written what was found, along with what was not.
Dur: stop and name it
When you are inside a feeling, everything blurs together. Giving it a name puts a little distance between you and it. In a brain-imaging study, when 30 people chose a word for the emotion while looking at angry and frightened faces, the brain’s alarm centre (the amygdala) was less active.
Omuzlarını bırak: drop your shoulders
Touch is the body’s oldest language of comfort. In a study of 159 people put through a stressful test, those who placed their hands on their heart and belly for 20 seconds had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who did not. Heart rate and how stressed they felt did not differ.
Seslen: speak to yourself
When we talk to ourselves, we are often our own harshest critic. Across seven studies with 585 people in total, those who addressed themselves by name rather than as “I” felt less distress in stressful situations. And people who wrote to themselves as a friend would for seven days were less depressed three months later and happier six months later.
Teşekkür et: say thank you
We tend to notice our body only when it hurts or in the mirror. In a study of 81 young women who were unhappy with their bodies, those who wrote about what their body can do became more satisfied with it, and the effect was still there a week later.
Let’s be plain
The DOST break is not a treatment; it is five minutes you set aside for yourself. Each of the four steps has been studied separately, but combined in this order they have not been tested as a whole. The sequence was put together for this site.
In a review of 27 randomised controlled trials testing self-compassion practices, stress, depression and anxiety improved to a moderate degree. The authors also note that the trials differed widely from one another and that positive results may have been more likely to be published.
When does it help?
- On an evening when the pain is worse and you are about to get angry with your body.
- On a day you skipped your exercises and have started blaming yourself.
- Straight after hard news or a hurtful conversation.
- Before sleep, as you close the day.
If you’d like to calm the body first, see The 5-minute cyclic sighing breath; if you’d like to reach out to someone else, see Social connection and health.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t this just self-pity?
No. Self-pity says “why always me” and leaves you isolated. Self-compassion says “this is hard, and I’m not the only one who struggles”. The aim is not to fool yourself or dodge responsibility; it is to be as fair to yourself as you would be to a friend you love.
Putting my hand on my heart feels odd. What should I do?
That’s perfectly natural. In the study, participants chose the touch that suited them; nearly all placed one hand on the heart and the other on the belly. You could cross your arms and hold your shoulders, or rest one hand inside the other. It can be done without anyone noticing, even on the bus.
How often should I do it?
There’s no rule. In the letter study, participants wrote on seven days in a row; you could try it for a week and see how you feel. A single round straight after a hard moment is fine too.
What if I feel worse while doing it?
When you start being gentle with yourself, feelings you have put off for a long time may come to the surface. Shorten the break, do only the touch step, or pause. If the distress continues, don’t carry it alone; talk to a mental health professional.
Sources
- Lieberman MD, Eisenberger NI, Crockett MJ, et al. Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychol Sci. 2007;18(5):421-428.
- Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, Schlotz W, et al. Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity. Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021;8:100091.
- Kross E, Bruehlman-Senecal E, Park J, et al. Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2014;106(2):304-324.
- Shapira LB, Mongrain M. The benefits of self-compassion and optimism exercises for individuals vulnerable to depression. J Posit Psychol. 2010;5(5):377-389.
- Alleva JM, Martijn C, van Breukelen GJP, Jansen A, Karos K. Expand Your Horizon: A programme that improves body image and reduces self-objectification by training women to focus on body functionality. Body Image. 2015;15:81-89.
- Ferrari M, Hunt C, Harrysunker A, Abbott MJ, Beath AP, Einstein DA. Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness. 2019;10:1455-1473.